Our friends at Moosejaw Mountaineering just proclaimed that 2013 is going to suck. We’d like to respectfully disagree, and help turn their frown upside down.
1. Nothing like a looming deadline to make things happen. Plus, we’re certain ill planned and last minute neck tats create the best memories. Or at least conversation starters. We recommend a Kermit the Frog playing a flying V guitar.
2. The cools will be off of 13’s action in no time. Plus, now you can say “I liked 13 before it was touring big venues.”
3. This sounds like a more efficient way of sending her cookie requests.
4. Now you have 3 dance partners, 4 comfortable places to sleep, and 2 friends that can’t eat cheeseburgers for the next few weeks. You can. That’s what we call a win.
5. Even doomsdays need a rebuilding year. Something will come up, don’t give up on the end of the world yet.
6. Switch to rice. You can literally have thousands of them for dinner.
7. Waffles are superior to pancakes as they have syrup compartments built in. However, you can put bacon into pancakes… like, right IN the pancake. Now you have a reason to make pancakes again.
8. You are so much more than a number to us. Know this.
9. Look, space is crazy, and that is just something we have to deal with. The interior of the sun is 15,000,000 degrees Celsius. Sometimes it’s just gotta flare.
10. This is a great excuse to get out of manual labor. Them: “Hey can you help me move this weekend?” You: “Sorry, I don’t have health insurance. Can’t risk it.”
11. Call it a hunch, but we’re sure the government will come up with something new you can complain about this year. Probably more than one thing actually.
12. Isn’t your dentist the same person that stabs your gums with little metal hooks twice a year? We don’t actually have a positive response to this one.
13. Yeah, but it will be marginally better than last years model. If you wanted, you could really show the cools and get a flip phone. Being an early dropper is the new early adopter.
See? Buck up, Moosejaw. 2013 is gonna be just fine.
Can we have a t-shirt now?